Oh God Oh God Oh God

Sometimes I really do despair with myself. I leave things to the last minute and expect things to be fine and dandy, and of course it isn't. I hate that horrible spiral of doom sensation that things are creeping up on me.

My online friend pulled out of the house deal. Thank god theres still time to apply for the campus accommodation. =_= not exactly over the moon about freshers week . Theres stuff with student finance thats getting to me to. Arck I hate stress I just want to run away just get on a train and GO!

Lots of other stuff bugs me to! My blackberry phone isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

Another thing is when I ride to work, the wind blows in my face going down hill, so I don't go very fast ans wobble a lot , then on the way back it blows in my face going up hill, so I go at a snail's pace. I mean WTF? Does the direction of wind change as soon as I get off work?

I also wrote my will last week it made me feel very grown up and slightly morbid. Its given me great calm now that I know what I'm doing with a few handful of assets that are my own.

I haven't read anything in ages, normally I would go to the library but Ive had these two books for agggges and I'm scared what the fine will be so I'm putting it off. So I'm feeling pretty dumb and stupid.

If there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I'll come back as me.

I've been watching a lot of only fools and horses recently its the only thing to do in the evenings, I find I can switch off and just knit while I watch it. Fingers crossed in a few months time my evenings will not be spent knitting and embroidery but will include nights out and getting very drunk.

This year I've decided to bite the bullet and live off campus. I met someone over the internet and will be moving in with them. I know it sounds dodgey  and my stomach flips sometimes when I think of loads of other people that have been conned over the internet. But they only need a £25 deposit and when I do go and meet them I'll bring someone with me. Still haven't asked that 'someone' to come with me, but she's the only one that reads this blog so hopefully she'll get the hint.

Drama seems to be in everyone else's life except mine. My friend has got back together with her gf, my other close friend is moving in with her boyfriend and approaching her finals. It just seems like I'm the one witnessing the drama and giving advice but nothing happens to me.My future  biographers will address this as the tumbleweed period of my life when nothing exciting happens.

Champagne taste lemonade income

Yesterday, on our way back from a wedding, my mum and I talked about life after university. I must have rambled along about having a nice house, some 1920's inspired hats, frequent stays in posh hotels and good book collection. It didn't take me long to realize that my dreams and ambitions are all about material gain and have nothing to do with family or getting married. I think this is to do with the fact that I get bored of things very easily. When I had my little godson it was all arrrr he so cute for about an hour and then I got really bored of playing his mud pie games and just wanted to watch TV. So I think I'd be a really naff mum as the novelty would wear off a few hours after birth.

And as for marriage.........well its not that I'm against the idea. Don't get me wrong wearing a ball gown and eating cake all day sounds great. But the thought of committing myself to someone for the rest of my life and never having a moment alone *shudders*. I don't think its for me. There have been lots of divorces in my family so I've seen first hand the hurt and angst that comes with it. It just doesn't seem worth it. So not for me thanks, maybe I'll change my mind but I doubt it.

So for now let me plan my comfortable middle class life, let my friends and family have the babies (I'll baby sit every now and again!) and if I get a lonely I'll get a cat.